IT'S OVER

I didn't get very good sleep and I woke up tired and feeling sick. I was hoping I'd feel well enough to do some cardio, but I didn't want to push it. I always wonder how professional athletes still play through sickness, but I guess that's what you have to do when you're getting paid the big bucks.

I spent the day just resting and watching tv and napping. I felt hungry and tired throughout the day and wondered if that was the illness or just not eating enough for lunch. Then I called Janet.

I knew it would be a difficult conversation, but I was hoping that the rest and sleep would allow us to just sweep things aside for the moment. But alas, Janet had the strength to let me go today because she just didn't think it would work out between us. I didn't want to fight anymore. I let her go even though I wanted to keep holding on. In the end, I want her to be happy and I wasn't doing that for her.

Sometimes I wonder if I hold on to things too long because I'm so stubborn. I always have hope to change things for the better, even though they're sometimes not so good for me. Poker is an example of that. I've spent so much time trying to beat the game, I wonder what it's all for. Then again, what is anything in life? Do we not go through our lives enjoying essentially meaningless things just to live this life in bliss?